Thursday, February 27, 2014

Over achiever??

I am talking about me here...
Last night, I had to do my "homework" given to me by Ethan's teacher.  I had volunteered to seperate, staple and paper clip all of the math booklets for his class.  I received a HELP email and soon realized I was behind and chapter 11 was needed ASAP.  So, the troops were called in - not my idea- and we conquered the booklets and all chapters are ready to be turned in.  Yep... only chapter 11 was needed but now, I am done for the year.  It feels good to be an over achiever sometimes!
Everything was going great (for the first few seconds) until things weren't as organized as I thought they should be.  The boys wanted to help with the stapling which meant the pages were crooked, or the staples didn't make it all the way through the packet.  After a few packets weren't up to par, they were fired. 
I was stressed and wasn't having fun- well, as much fun as you can have seperating math booklets.  Why do I get so stressed out over the little things?!?  Why can't I just breathe and go with the flow?!?
It is ok to not be perfect!  Trust me... if you walked into my house you would quickly realize I am not perfect.  Really, you wouldn't even have to walk in to the house... just drive into the driveway.  And yes, my house being messy totally stresses me out.  Really, with three kids - one of which throws everything in sight- it is hard to keep anything clean and organized.  That should be ok- to some degree. 
My life is chaotic at times.  Three kids, a full time job, sports, therapies... some days, I can't keep up with everything.
See... chaos and messy house.  I wasn't lying- wish I were.
Random night with Ninjas and mess
I am quickly realizing that my behavior and how I handle situations are starting to pass on to my kids.  They get stressed and freak out easily if something doesn't go their way.  This is not a trait that I want to pass on to anyone else. 
I have started taking some time for myself lately- well... the last 2 days but it is a start.  I like it!  I am trying to work on myself and getting back to my happy place.  I have become unhealthy and on edge.  I can change this!!  I need to change this- for myself and my family.  Life can be hard and right now... it is really hard for us but there has to be a light at the end of the tunnel somewhere.  I am going to start with getting myself back in order and learn to breathe and pray that everything else will follow. 
It is time for a new and better me!

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

I do not approve...

Is Ethan waiting for a flood to happen?!?  Look at poor Izzy... even she is trying to act like she isn't with him. 
These are not the pants I laid out for him to wear that day.  What happened when I left for work??
and don't even get me started on Aiden...
A Mama's work is never done!

Friday, February 21, 2014

My thoughts...

Thoughts can be frightening sometimes.  When you think you have gotten past something or overcome it... it can easily creep back up on you.
Izzy was ransacking our room- what she does best these days- and she came across her "going home" outfit I had tucked away in a cabinet.  She was trying to fit the little hat on her head- which didn't work out very well for her- I sat and watched her and was amazed at how far she has come.

Lately, I have been thinking back to Izzy's birth and her stay in the NICU.  It might be that Sister is almost three and for her, that means we are about to experience some BIG changes.  Sometimes, I don't let my mind wonder that direction.  Sometimes, those memories are still hard to process.  Sometimes, I just have to go there... and so I let go and allow those emotions to come flooding back.

After the birth, I remember the doctor coming into the room and asking everyone to leave so he could talk to Ryan and I.  I knew then, they were sending my baby an hour away because they had done all they could for her there.  My heart sank...

This picture always reminds me that kids know more of what is going on than we think.  I can see it in his eyes...he knows his sister is struggling.

Ryan, Mimi and Papa rushed to Pensacola so they could be there when Izzy arrived.  I didn't want our baby to be alone.  I don't think anyone got any sleep that night- even with help of a sleeping pill.  I sent Ryan texts through out the night and he sent back pictures.
I was released the next morning and Nana and I were on the road.  I didn't think Nana was driving fast enough and in my mind... I was saying over and over- drive faster.  She was driving fast the speed limit but I needed to get to my baby and a plane wouldn't have gotten me there fast enough.  We arrived only to wait- shift change.  Finally, it was time for me to see my baby!  I remember walking through the hallway and I saw my Pastor.  I remember wondering how he had gotten there so fast but I don't think I actually spoke to him.  I think he got a half smile.  My mind wasn't in the right place.
He has visted each of my babies when they were in the hospital and when we were scared.  I am forever grateful to him for being there each and every time.  He can be a silent but powerful presence.  He might not speak a lot but you always know he is praying. 
We were buzzed into the NICU- I had to announce my arrival to see my baby- and I remember scrubbing my hands and arms for what felt like a lifetime.  My hands have never been so clean as they were that week in the NICU.  I showed my ID and got a Mommy pass and then we walked into the NICU.  It was overwhelming and I hadn't even reached Izzy's station.  I probably had the same thoughts as the other parents when I laid eyes on Izzy... she looked out of place.
You see, Izzy was a giant compared to her tiny neighbors.  She weighed over 8lbs and her neighbor was a little over 2lbs.  Plus, Izzy was very swollen after her birth especially her neck and cheeks so she looked even larger. 
I think I cried more that week than ever before- and believe me, I cried a lot during my pregnancy.  My emotions were high from just have a baby, then having a baby with special needs, then having a baby with special needs in the NICU.  To top that, I had a bad reaction to the epidural- that didn't even work- and had to make a visit to the Urgent Care.  Poor receptionist asked when I was due... Yep, I cried and thought about punching her in the face.  Oh and I probably should mention that we were in the process of buying a new house at that very moment of course, things seemed to be falling apart and we weren't there to pick up the pieces and get things back on track.  I cried if I felt like the other NICU parents were staring in my direction a little too long.  I cried because I was wondering what they were thinking of my new baby.  I was a hot mess!
Izzy got her own name bling
 Each day, we would go in hoping that it would be our last day residing in the NICU but Izzy had other things on her agenda.  I think she liked all the special attention she was receiving from the nurses.  During her stay, she got on an awesome schedule that we tried to keep going and she became well adjusted to loud noise.  Sister can sleep through anything.  I on the other hand, stared at her stats and listened for beeping while watching her sleep. 
Ryan and I had to learn lots before we were allowed to leave with Izzy.  First, we had to attend a baby CPR class.  Thankfully, I have had a refresher course because I was pretty much a zombie that night and couldn't remember a thing when I walked out the door.  Then, Izzy was issued a heart monitor and we had to take a class on the ins and outs of how the machine worked.  Then, came our overnight trial stay.  Who knew, with my third child, I would be so scared to be left for 12 hours overnight- even with a nurse right outside the door.  But we all survived our night.  So we had passed all of our tests and classes and now it was Izzy's turn to pass her last importatnt test.  She had to be able to sit in her car seat for an hour without her oxygen levels dropping.  Each time she was tested, we would call in and get word that she didn't pass and we began to feel defeated.  This was the only thing keeping her in the hospital.  We were so ready to get home to our boys and bond with our baby girl.  They decided to try again but this time using a bed car seat and she passed.  Nana and I celebrated and quickly packed our bags and went to get our girl.  We were heading home!

Izzy in the car seat bed. 
Our experience in the NICU will always be a part of us.  We had some good moments and some very rough moments but I continue to learn that my Izzy is a champ.  She is stronger than I could have ever imagined.  I also learned that I am a lot stronger than I thought.  That saying- God doesn't give you more than you can handle... well, sometimes when you are in the midst of the situation it feels like it is more than you can handle.  With His help and the prayers/support of family and friends... we made it through!

Thursday, February 20, 2014

My little pretzel

What?!?  Doesn't everyone sit like this while they are watching TV?  I am going to go ahead and confirm that little saying that kids with Down Syndrome are extra flexible. 

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

To dance or not dance- update

The Valentine's dance was a huge success.  The boys have now made me promise to take them next year and the year after that and so on.
I was able to get the boys into a button up shirt which is good since I, of course, was correct and everyone does dress up for the Valentine's dance.  I even saw a Dad in a tuxedo so the boys would have fit right in.
The boys didn't do any dancing but I enjoyed watching the interactions between everyone.  This was some ideal people watching.  Ethan is getting to the age where boys/girls "like" each other.  Aiden on the other hand, was just happy to eat popcorn and candy.  Which he I literally found him eating every.time.I.turned.around.    
Aiden was happy to be seen with Mommy... Ethan gave me the head nod when he passed.  Don't worry, I went and gave him a big hug when he was talking to his friends.  That will teach him to ignore me.

Overall, we had a great time.  The kids had a blast with their friends and left with their bellys full of junk food.  Maybe I can get them to dance next year. 

Friday, February 7, 2014

To dance or not to dance....

That is the question...
Tonight, the boys and I are going to the Valentine's dance at their school.  This is a popular event so this year we finally made the cut.  I didn't realize there were so many rules that came with going to a dance.  Ethan's rules... He has informed us- Aiden and I- there isn't actually dancing that happens.  What?!?  So, I can't do the Carlton, the running man or God forbid- the twerk???  Nope, no dancing!  .
I didn't go to many dances growing up but at what age do you actually start dancing at dances???  So I ask- what will we be doing??  Talking and hanging out with friends.  That sounds a little boring to us so Aiden and I are vetoing this rule and we will be cutting a rug tonight.  Don't worry Ethan, we will try not to embarrass you too much.
Another rule...
People don't dress up.  Ok, I guess I will put their tuxedos back in the closet.  Although, I am pretty sure this rule is false.  I am thinking the girls will be all dolled up!  Maybe I will be able to bribe them into a button up and pants. 
This all should be interesting and I am looking forward to a night out with my boys- even if they act like they don't know me and make me sit by the punch bowl in a corner.
And so no one feels left out, Daddy has promised Izzy a dance party of their very own at the house.  I am sure there will be lots of dancing going on and I bet she would let me dress her up like a princess!  I have to admit that I am a little jealous of Izzy's dance party.
Here's to a fun night of NOT dancing or dressing up for the Valentine's dance!!