What a day!!

Lucky for Daddy, he had to open the Spa this morning and missed our craziness at the house.  By 7:30 this morning, the boys and I had all yelled, cried and each thrown our own major temper tantrum.  Last night I had a horrible dream/nightmare about Isabelle so combining that with the boy's meltdowns might explain part of my own temper tantrum.  (still not excusable but I am finding the need to justify why at my age I had my own temper tantrum.)
I had started a rule just last night that when the boys decide to throw a temper tantrum, 5 minutes will be deducted from their bed time.  I am trying this because I can't find anything that works.  I have no idea how to stop temper tantrums, I believe I have been consistent with them but at the ages of 7 and 5, I would think they would be starting to decline at this point... but no such luck.  So... for tonight, all three of us have to go to bed early due to our temper tantrums this morning, even Mommy.  To top off our "wonderful" morning, one of the dogs had gotten sick (Thankfully, Daddy had cleaned it up before he left but I saw my poor rug outside) and Ethan's backpack was in Daddy's trunk.  No backpack= automatic change in his color chart at school (which started another meltdown!).
I made it to work but as soon as Ryan called me to find out how the morning went... I broke down.  At this point, I can't start crying especially in public because I won't be able to stop.  It is like a faucet with no off switch. 
My doctors have said for a while that I need to get to week 36 which always seemed so far away until someone reminded me that it is actually only 3 weeks from now.  What?!?  I am not prepared.  This realization has put me in a spiral of emotions and complete freak out mode.  I am not emotionally/mentally prepared and our house is definitely not ready.  I am normally a very organized person but at this point, you would never know that.  Also, although I like to be spontaneous at times, I don't with the big things in my life.  When big changes happen, I like to know every step before it happens and what needs to be done before I get there.  With Isabelle, I can't do that.  I am so ready for this pregnancy to be over.  It has been long, stressful and quite frankly... not fun at all but I am not ready for Isabelle yet. I don't feel like I am prepared emotionally or mentally. 
When a person has a fear and knows that they must face it, majority of the time you have comfort in that you face it head on, get through it and move on.  With the diagnosis of Isabelle, this is a life long journey.  This isn't something that follows those steps above.  This is what overwhelms me. 
I want to be strong but right now, I don't know how to be.  I want to trust in everything that I know is true and that God will protect us and never give me anything I can't handle but I don't feel that right now.  This seems a little too much for me at this point.
So... what I would like to know is if I can put myself in time out and in the bed about 8 hours early due to my temper tantrum?  Trust me... it wasn't pretty.  Maybe I could sleep away this day and start fresh in the morning.

Shout out for Isabelle... week 32

I have to give Isabelle a little shout out right now!!  The big news... she flipped and is no longer breech!  I got a little chocked up when the tech told me she is now head down.  I am sure the tech thought I was just being an over-emotional pregnant woman but I was really starting to have some anxiety about a possible c-section.  With everything else going on, a c-section was the last thing that I wanted to be worrying about.  Last month when I was told Isabelle was breech, I immediately starting doing some serious praying.  I knew she had plenty of time to flip but if we look at her track record, you can see she is quite stubborn.  A few days after the news, I felt a weird movement in my belly.  I immediately thought, was that it??  Did she flip?  But I wasn't going to be checked for a few more weeks so there was no way to know.  Ryan was convinced that she would remain breech and I would have to have a c-section and I have to say I was pretty sceptical myself.  So... Yay for baby Isabelle!!
I never realized how comforting it was to have Ryan at the high risk appointments until today.  He had a meeting he couldn't get out of so I had to go to this one solo.  The waiting was a bit painful and my mind immediately started thinking the worst.  Would there be any bad news today?  Would she cooperate?  but I survived. 
I think the techs must draw straws to see who has to take me back to the ultrasound room.  Isabelle definitely doesn't make their job easy.  The tech asked me if I get any sleep with this baby.  My answer... not so much.  Last night, Isabelle was moving around so much that I actually started to feel like I was going to crawl out of my skin.  (Hopefully others have felt that as well and I am not going crazy!)  I immediately got out of bed and had to just move around.  I couldn't lay in bed any longer and watch my belly move and wiggle into the weirdest positions.
Back to the appointment:
Isabelle is looking good and weighing in at 4lbs 11ozs.  Nothing has really changed at this point which for Isabelle, is a good thing.  The fluid around her heart and abdomen is still minimal and shouldn't cause any issues during or after birth.  Her bowels still have a few brights spots but the Dr. said that this will have zero affect on her after birth. 
I have 4 more weeks of my progestrone shots.  I can not wait until these are finished.  Last night's shot was probably the most painful one so far.  Even Ryan (my husband doctor) is ready for these to be over with.  The fun of shooting me in the behind has finally worn off.  The boys are even used to my shots now.  As soon as we get in the house, they yell "Mommy needs her shot, Mommy needs her shot!"  Thanks guys.  Trust me... having to get a shot in my behind is not something I will easily forget.
Now is the time that my appointments start weekly until Isabelle arrives.  Dr. E will start checking my cervix at week 34 and we are interested to see what she finds.  Ryan is betting that I will be put on bed rest but I am not ready to think about that at this point.  I have tried to slow down a bit but being a Mommy of 2 very active boys, is proving to be a bit difficult.

My children...

 My boys love their little sister so much and they haven't even met her yet.  The simple and unconditional love of a child amazes me! 
Now, when they talk about our family, Isabelle's name is never left out and if you happen to forget... you will surely be reminded.


A few days ago, I found Ethan testing out a pair of Isabelle's shoes.  I think he was able to get his big toe to finally fit and he just sat and laughed.  He was amazed at how small everything is.  He was only 2 when Aiden was born so he didn't really grasp everything like he does now.

When Aiden and I cuddle, you will always find his hand resting on my belly. They both rub my belly constantly and make sure to hug and kiss Isabelle every morning and night.

(Now that's a big belly!)
These are things that I love right now.  I haven't been feeling great lately but I wouldn't trade these moments for anything.  My boys are teaching me to trust and love no matter what.  When I am having an off day... that is the day they choose to show extra affection towards Isabelle.  I am so thankful for my boy's love and the laughter they bring to our family.  They can lift my spirits any day of the week.

Ethan's field trip

Ethan went on a field trip with his 1st grade class to the strawberry patch.  I think I am missing out on experiencing this place.  I have heard many good things about it.  Once Isabelle is born, the boys and I might have to take a little field trip of our own.

A friend of mine sent me this picture of Ethan during the field trip...

You think he is having fun?!?

Monkey business... the final chapter

Big Giant Monkey had to make his appearance over the weekend.  The boys even got into it and started placing him around the house.  I can definitely tell they are their Father's sons.  They made him proud!

This spot was the boy's idea for Big Giant Monkey.   

And then it was time for him to eat...  

I have since put Big Giant Monkey back in the boy's bedroom where he belongs.  I think I have seen enough of him lately.

Underwear...

Who knew underwear was considered a bad word?!?  I am in big trouble if it is because I am pretty sure I tell the boys about 10 times each morning, "time to put on your underwear!".  Well... according to Aiden, underwear is something he should not be saying.  Wow! I must be a really strict Mom.
While we were eating dinner last night, Aiden explained that one of his friends was trying to get him to say a bad word on the playground.  Before we knew what the word was, we started explaining that no one can really make you say something.  You choose to say it or not.  So... if you don't think you should repeat something that is being said...then don't.  He then went on to tell us the rest of the story.  (this information would have been helpful before our little lecture)
On the playground, his friend was telling him that he could make him say the word "underwear" and Aiden's reply was "I won't say that word".  So his friend kept saying "look under there... look under there!"  Aiden turned and said "look under where?" (underwear)  This friend is a smart one!!  Ryan and I definitely got a good laugh out of that one. 
I think it is time I explain that "underwear" really isn't a bad word.

Monkey business continues...

So... Big Giant Monkey showed up in my bed reading my book and then once I came downstairs last night, I found this...

Big Giant Monkey had borrowed my eye mask, body pillow and my spot in the bed.  If I find Big Giant Monkey taking a bubble bath, he is in big trouble!