Reading and Learning...

I pre-ordered the book, Bloom by Kelle Hampton, back in March and it finally arrived in the mail. I was actually excited to read this book. I had been given a few books regarding DS while pregnant or right after I had Isabelle and to be honest, they are collecting dust. Trust me… I tried to sit and read them but I haven’t been quite ready yet. I am not sure what makes this book different for me but it just is.
I was introduced to Kelle Hampton’s blog while I was pregnant and we had just gotten word that Isabelle has DS. I began with Nella’s birth story and I just laid there and cried for hours. I enjoy reading Kelle Hampton’s blog because 1) she is a great photographer (To be honest, sometimes I skip the words and just look at the pictures) and 2) I find her writing to be light and funny. Although, sometimes I do leave her blog feeling a little less of a mother because I have to work outside of the home and I can’t spend every moment with my children making special memories. I realize everyone’s life and situation is different but we can always make the most of the time we have with our kids. My parents both worked outside the home and I think I turned out pretty good!

I finally was able to pick up the book once the kids were asleep. I crawled into bed and started reading. I wasn’t prepared for what happened next. I was just reading the prologue and my book is now stained with tears… lots of tears. I thought, Dear Lord, I am not even to the first chapter. Will I be able to get through this?!? The prologue was full of such raw emotions. The emotions she felt learning of Nella’s DS diagnosis at birth. Our situations are different in that Kelle had a birth diagnosis and I had a prenatal diagnosis. She went through her emotions after meeting her daughter where as I went through my emotions during my pregnancy (last 4 months) and then again after Isabelle’s birth. While our situations are different, the emotions are so similar. I felt like I was reading the words I have had stuck in my head for so long and have been afraid to release.  Those words on the pages were so similar to my words/thoughts (although written much better!).

I am amazed by how quick she went from devastation to just pure love for her new baby. This lady took the bull by the horns/ put on her big girl panties/ turned lemons into lemonade and just moves on.

I have allowed the world’s stereotype of DS cloud my views and my mind. When we were told that Isabelle more than likely has DS (80% chance) among other things, the doctor kept saying- I am so sorry. I didn’t know anyone -child or adult- that had DS so my initial thoughts were of the stereotypical DS adult. I was scared and angry. I didn’t want this for my baby or our family.
It would always rub me wrong when someone would tell me that God sends special babies to special people. I know people didn’t know what to say to us but that wasn’t something I wanted to hear at the time. God thinks everyone is special so why would he pick me over someone else. I am learning that yes, God does know what he is doing and he knew that we needed Isabelle, just as she is, in our lives. I am learning about my insecurities and being forced to deal with those. I have always worried about what others thought and I am slowing realizing that others opinions of me or my family will not break me.  When someone stares at Izzy a little longer than I think is necessary, it is only because she is so beautiful.  Isabelle is perfect just the way she is and we are blessed to have her in our lives.  My children will learn how to accept others and be more compassionate simply because they already love Isabelle regardless of her DS. 

My children have shown me what true unconditional love means.  We all have grown so much because Isabelle is a part of our family.  I can't say I am no longer scared for what our future may hold but now I am also excited.

Big brother has something new...

Glasses!!  He looks handsome although, I have to glance at him a few times because he looks so different. He now has braces and glasses but he looks much cooler than I did at his age.  Thankfully, he won't be getting a perm any time soon or I would be having some nightmare flashbacks!

Isabelle's Post Op...

Isabelle had her 6 month post op appointment yesterday at Nemours.  I raced home from work... well more like crawled home.  I turn out of the Resort and into bumper to bumper traffic.  I get home, throw on some jeans and we jump in the car to take off and Ryan's car won't start.  Boo!!  Not a good start.
We arrive at Nemours and we are taken back to our room for Isabelle's echo.  I worked in a daycare for many years during high school/college and Barney was the big thing at the time.  So, I swore that I would never watch Barney again after I left the daycare and I haven't... until yesterday.  Barney was playing on the screen while Isabelle was getting her echo completed and I had his songs in my head for the rest of the night!
She, of course, was a wiggle worm during her testing but the tech was able to get all the shots she needed.  Then it was time to weigh in.  She currently weighs 14lbs 14 ozs and is 27 1/2 in.  She is growing slowly but everyone commented on how long she is. 
We waited in the room for her nurse and Dr. M. to arrive.  She enjoyed sitting on the table and slapping her hands on the sheet.  Then some Residents came by to check her out and she showed off a little for them.  She enjoyed the extra attention.

What is everyone looking at?!?

We got a great report on her heart.  Everything looks good and she is clear for another year.  We did find out that she still has a small VSD (still learning about this).  There is a small hole in her heart but at this time, it is not causing her any issues and they will just keep an eye on it.  When the surgeon went in to do her OHS, we found out there were a few holes that had to be repaired.  I assume this is a small one that didn't need repairing at the time.  I will have to find out more about this so I understand completely.
But the good news is that she is growing and her heart looks great! 
Some new tricks for Isabelle:
* Isabelle is so close to sitting unassisted.  She sits for a little while at a time but then falls backwards.  It won't be long though!
* She is still eating like a champ!  Although, her ST said she is storing food in her cheeks like a chipmunk.  Last night, I fed her 2 jars of food.  Not sure why the food isn't sticking to her like it does me but it will catch up to her soon- I am sure.
* When she wants to go to someone , she is reaching for them now. I love this and it melts my heart!
* She waves hi and bye.
* Sister finally has a few longer hairs.  You have to look really close to find them but when the wind blows through her hair, they float around like a little old balding man.  I am proud of those long hairs and I have cute clips ready and waiting.

Sister will be one before we know it (2 more months).  Time to start planning her party!

Our Weekend...

We had a great weekend. Friday night we enjoyed watching Ethan's baseball game. He made some great plays and even faced his fears by playing a few innings as catcher. Poor thing flinched every time the ball came his way but he survived.

I love seeing moments like these!

Ryan went to help a friend move and he came home with this.

We were pretty lazy for the rest of the night and Saturday morning.   Look what arrived for us on Friday...

So our plans were to get up bright and early and lay some of the mulch out in the gardens and then head to Aiden's game.  The rain cut out those plans so we decided to just be lazy.  The boys went over to a friend's house for a play date and then we headed to their friend's birthday party at Fat Daddy's.

After the party, we tackled the mulch and after 3 hours, I swear the pile doesn't look any smaller.  Our neighbors are probably pretty tired of seeing that in our driveway. 
Sunday, we headed to Chipley to visit with some Aunts and Uncles and spend a relaxing day at the Sasser Home place. 
Although the mosquitoes were definitely out, we did some fishing, took walks and the kids enjoyed a bike ride.

My brother took this picture and the bull got up because Chad got a little too close.  I have never seen him move that fast!

 

Going to check out another one of the ponds. 

Clearly, I didn't wear the appropriate shoes. 

 I forgot that the Home place now has cows so I was dodging their mess during our walks.

The kids + Ryan try to play with the cows.  As you can see, they are not amused.

Isabelle getting comfortable

Finally fell asleep sucking on her toe.

 Now it is time for fishing!  Ryan and the boys were looking forward this part of the day from the moment we got there.

Can you see his fish?!?  He is there but really tiny.

 I actually took this fish off for Ethan.  I was very impressed with myself.  I have fished, when I visited Chipley, since I was little.  I always had to bait my own hook but I have never taken a fish off... until Sunday.

We think Ryan caught the same fish and Ethan.  Poor thing was hungry!

That's a little better

Of course, when you visit Chipley, you have to eat.  There is always some good food at the Home place.  Isabelle isn't eating table food yet but she thought her Mac and Beef was good as well.

Aiden caught the biggest fish of the day!

My turn

We had a great weekend full of family fun.  We are looking forward to another great weekend full of Easter egg dashes, Easter lunch and friends and family.

*I would also like to announce that we welcomed the newest member to the Barfield family yesterday.  My newest nephew, Owen Barfield.  He weighed 7lbs 1 oz and is 20 3/4 ins.  He is the newest little brother for Mikayla and Ian.  We are so excited to meet him and give him lots of love!* 

Back at it...

Spring break is officially over and now we are back to running around with practices and therapies.  I have to admit that it was very nice to have an entire week without any obligations. 
Both boys had a baseball game on Tuesday night.

Aiden is finally in the proper uniform. 

Izzy and Papa

We missed Ethan's game since they got finished so quickly.  No worries... there is another one on Friday.
Isabelle is doing great in physical therapy.  She is learning some new things and working on conquering some other tasks as well.  I love to find out new exercises that we can work with her on at home.  Since I miss a lot of her therapies this makes me feel like I am apart of her progress. 
Her speech therapy is going well also.  We are getting positive feedback and I am very proud of Isabelle and her hard work.  She is learning some new signs but hasn't tried any on her own yet.  She actually just looks at me like I am crazy but she will pick it up one day.
We are one busy family but I sure love my kids... who needs a peaceful night at home anyways??

Wolves and more...

Saturday, was Ryan's birthday and to celebrate, we went to a Wolf Preserve.  I have been going to Chipley my entire life and never once had I heard of Seacrest Wolf Preserve. 
First we had to drop Isabelle off with Nana.

We worked really hard on this pose.  Not really... she likes to sit with her knees pulled in (which is making conquering sitting a little more difficult!)

We didn't want the wolves to mistake her for their afternoon snack so she enjoyed some special bonding time with Nana. 
We arrived at the Preserve and ate some lunch while waiting for our tour to begin.  We learned a lot about the wolves and then got to experience their home environment.  We started off learning about the Grey wolf and got to meet Kiowa (the social butterfly of the bunch).  This wolf was extremely friendly and liked to give lots of kisses.  I have to admit, I wasn't disappointed when he skipped over us to kiss on the next group.  He was beautiful but I had already taken my bath for the day.  We learned that the wolves only have one soul mate for life.  The lady wolves are very aggressive with their men.  One male wolf had lost his ear due to a lady wolf obviously having issues dealing with her hormones. 
Then we met Spirit.  He was our favorite and a true inspiration.  His soul mate and another lady wolf (the ladies seem to always be the problem) got into an argument and he tried to protect his soul mate.  In doing that, he was badly injured and lost his front leg.  After being nursed back to health, he rejoined his family and learned to do everything he was able to do before.  He was even able to keep his Alfa status.
After meeting the wolves, we headed over to the petting zoo and met some cute skunks, fox, and raccoons. 
We had a great day and it was even educational.  We gained a new respect for these beautiful animals.

A special day...

World Down Syndrome Day

Isabelle Claire... today, I celebrate your life and your special designer genes.  We are blessed to have you in our lives and can't imagine life without you now.  Because of you, I love a little stronger, judge less and am thankful for the little things in life.  Thank you for helping me become a better person.  Each day, you teach me new things.  I have learned things I don't quite like about myself and now I strive to change those things but I have also learned things I never knew I could do or handle. 

I am learning not to worry about tomorrow or years from now and just focus on each day.  If/when I worry about tomorrow, I lose my joy for today.

I worried about your birth but we both made it through.  Then I worried about your open heart surgery and again you amazed me and became my little hero.  You are such a strong girl. 

These past 10 months (almost) have been great although sprinkled with a few rough days.  Your Daddy told me something a few days ago that was so simple but exactly what I needed to hear.  He said- it is time for you to forgive yourself. 
When I found out about your diagnosis and your heart defect I went through so many different emotions.  Some are hard to admit - the fear, grief, worry and many more.  I felt guilty for quite some time for these emotions and never could quite grasp how I loved you so much but still couldn't come to grips with your diagnosis.  So today, I choose to begin the process of forgiving myself.  I will no longer allow these emotions to hold me back.   
You are perfect in every way.  I love you unconditionally- always and forever!

I am so very proud to be your Mommy!  Your life is worth celebrating today and everyday!!