Monkey business...

Look who I found lying in my bed reading one of my books...

Big Giant Monkey!!  All I know is, he better not tell me the ending!  

Gotta love my boys!! They know how to end the night with a good laugh.

Mommy's purse...

Mommy's purse = my boy's new hiding place.

Everyday I wonder, why is my purse so heavy?  I swear I clean it out each night. (which seems a little excessive but a must!)  So, this morning I look in my purse to try and figure out what could possibly be in there and this is what I found:

* a baseball (Ethan received the game ball last night!!)
* a baseball card
* invisible ink (doesn't every mother need that?!?)
* papers from the boy's school
* random toys- matchbox car/ robot/ bunny

Seriously?? I am already caring around the extra weight a baby in my belly... is it too much to ask that they carry their own toys?  My purse has turned into the boy's mobile toy box.

Life isn't that bad!!

Every since I heard those words "your baby has Down Syndrome" and will have a heart defect that requires surgery, I have had many emotional/dark days... many days of feeling sorry for myself, and worrying about everything.   I have had days where I am confident that I can handle anything and then the very next day, I want to crawl under a rock and pretend none of this is happening.
The unknown of our future has kept me from preparing for baby Isabelle and even becoming too excited for her delivery.  But the time is coming so close to her arrival that I can't put off preparing any longer.  I have spent the last few days going through baby clothes that have been given to us and putting together Isabelle's bassinet and I am finally getting excited.  I look at these newborn clothes and wonder... are babies really this tiny??  I know mine haven't been!  Mine were walking, talking and demanding a cheeseburger right after delivery.  I showed Ryan these tiny onesies and we both just sat in amazement at the thought of our baby girl possibly fitting into these tiny outfits.  I do have to say that I was getting a little overwhelmed by all of the pink.  After having 2 boys, pink has not been in my vocabulary.  This is something that I will have to get used to.  (Don't worry... I think I am up for the challenge but it will take a little time to get used to it all!)
I think Isabelle's diagnosis was put into perspective for me last Friday, I was walking around the hotel and I noticed a mother pushing her child in a hospital bed through the lobby struggling to get out to the pool deck.  I watched in amazement as this mother was going through what looked like her normal daily routine of caring for her child.  She wasn't worried about what others thought or said.  She was walking around with a smile on her face and obviously enjoying her vacation with her family.  When I saw that her child wasn't even able to get out of a hospital bed to swim or run around the beach like all of the other children, I thought to myself..." and I am feeling sorry for myself??"  Yes, things have not turned out like I would have planned and still if I could change the outcome... I would.  But really... things could be a lot worse.  I am blessed and I will be blessed beyond measure to have Isabelle in my life!!  I know that I will continue to struggle because I am human.  I will still have my good days mixed with some bad days but as long as I keep things in perspective... I will make it!
My devotional a few days ago said:  Tomorrow is busy worrying about itself; don't get tangled up in its worry-web.  Trust Me one day at a time. 
I need to stop looking to the future because the future is unknown.  I need to focus on each day and enjoy the life that I have and know that I will grow and become stronger as I continue on this new journey that has been placed before me.  I don't have all of the answers and I never will but Isabelle is my little girl... the little girl that I was meant to have.

Isabelle update- week 29

First off, I want to say that Isabelle and I have reached a milestone!!  When I was pregnant with Aiden by week 27, I was on partial bed rest (working 1/2 days) and by week 29, I was put on full bed rest.  Isabelle has reached week 29 (actually now closer to week 30) and we are both doing well.  Although, this pregnancy has been a bit rougher on my body, we are managing and surviving.  My feet are swelling by the end of the night, I can't sleep without discomfort unless I am sleeping sitting up, and I already have the pregnant waddle.  All these combined ensure that I am looking fantastic during this pregnancy (bags under my eyes, sausage feet and a duck walk).  At least I am managing my weight very well - according to my nurse (I almost started crying... it was exactly what I needed to hear!)
On Monday, I had my regular check up with Dr. E and Isabelle is measuring right on track and her heartbeat was very strong.  She is still currently breech which I didn't have this issue with either boys so she really needs to switch positions.  I don't really like any of the options for delivery of a breech baby.
Yesterday, we had our Pediatric cardiologist (Dr. M.) appointment in Pensacola.  We received some very encouraging news.  Isabelle does still have the AV Canal defect however; all valves on each side are balanced and the atrium (the large chamber at the bottom of the heart) is a little bigger and very strong which will actually help compensate and help her heart pump strong when she is born until she can have the surgery.  All of the vessels around the heart are also very strong.  This is all great news since these things will help her heart function to the best of its ability until she is scheduled for surgery.  Our main concern after birth is to make sure she is eating enough to gain the amount of weight she needs prior to the surgery.  Her body will need to be as strong as possible. 
I am nervous about the feeding because we were told that she could turn a little blue around the mouth from loss of air while sucking.  I am a pretty laid back mother (or I have been with my boys) so hopefully I can continue this with Isabelle and not freak out if/when this happens. 
Dr. M. is still very confident with me delivering at the Sacred Heart in SanDestin.  After our next appointment with her (week 35) she will then contact the hospital to let them know what to expect and speak directly with the Pediatricians as well as the echo tech.  After Isabelle is born, the echo tech will send all images and results to Dr. M. and be in constant contact in case anything arises.  This information did help ease our minds as we were wavering about our decision to deliver in SanDestin or Pensacola.  My worst fear is that Isabelle would have to be transported to Pensacola and we would then be separated.  We will have to continue to pray for the delivery and birth so that this hopefully will not happen.
Isabelle has come through so much already with this pregnancy.  It seems like with each appointment we continue to receive good news and we are so thankful and blessed.
* The cyst around her neck initially found during our 16th week ultrasound is no longer visible.
* Her chin is no longer showing smaller than it should.
* The fluid around her heart and abdomen have both decreased significantly and are almost invisible.
* Her bowels that were initially showing bright on her ultrasounds are now back to normal and look to be functioning properly.
Our Isabelle is a fighter and she is already showing us just how strong she is!

Our sleepy boys...

Last night we allowed the boys to stay up a bit longer since they are now on spring break.  We thought it had gotten really quiet so we went out in the living room to check on them and this is what we found...

Ethan was sleeping right outside our bedroom door with his watch dog Brodie

 Aiden swears he was just blinking.  He actually had not fallen asleep.

I promise the boys do actually have beds!! 

Aiden's officially a baseball player!

Aiden had his first Pee Wee baseball game last Thursday and he did great!!  He started off at first base and then played short stop.  We noticed while playing first base, he ended up talking to the other team's coach more than focusing on the game.  He is our little social butterfly!  He did pretty well with hitting although when he was tired of running, he would basically walk to the next base.  Oh well... he is learning.

Baby Shower... EEK!!

I have my baby shower coming up soon and I am so excited but also very nervous.  I know that sounds crazy to most people because any type of event where people come together and open presents should be so exciting. Right??   I am afraid I am going to be an emotional wreck and no one will really understand why.  I think this shower solidifies the fact that this is real and Isabelle will be arriving soon.  You would think my growing belly and achy body would be enough to remind me that this is all real but sometimes... not so much.
After we had Aiden, we slowly started getting rid of all our baby items so now we are left with only the crib.  I have yet to really get her room, clothes or baby items prepared and I know that time is passing by very quickly.  So we are very grateful!!
My feelings are hard to explain... I can't even grasp them at times myself.  I am so excited to meet Isabelle... this little life that has been growing inside me but at the same time, I am so scared.  Scared like I have never been before.  I still have my moments when I just don't want to think about it or even look at baby stuff.  This doesn't mean that I do not want her in our family... it is actually quite the opposite.  It is just sometimes I am not ready to face what our future holds.  I often wonder if I am strong enough.  I know that God won't give me more than I can handle but is he really sure about all of this??  I think he knows me better than I know myself so I am sure he will show me in time everything I need to be the best Mommy I can be for Isabelle. 

I mentioned this blanket in my last post... and I had to show it off.

 It is beautiful and it was made especially for Isabelle with lots of prayer.  I actually slept with it last night and it was one of the best nights sleep that I have gotten in a very long time.  Ryan probably thought I was a bit crazy but oh well... it gave me comfort after a very draining day.  Who knows... I might sleep with it again tonight and every night until she is born.