Who knew waking up today that I would be so emotional and I don't think I can get away with blaming the tears on hormones for much longer.
We met with Isabelle's physical therapist and RN today and we are excited to be working with them for the next 3 years. They did the initial assessment to determine Isabelle's baseline and determine what resources she will need and how often. We were asked a lot of questions while the therapist worked with Isabelle. We found out that Isabelle does have low muscle tone which we knew her neck was floppy but we weren't aware her other limbs were that affected by the low tone. Her arms often lay open to her side (As we like to say, it looks like she is praising Jesus) and she moves them around all of the time but we were told that she is having to work extra hard to fight gravity and right now... gravity is winning. So soon we will learn the right exercises to help her build her tone. It will be important that she learns the proper way to do things because she will probably try and cheat and learn the easy way instead of the correct way. At first, Isabelle will have to work harder than most in order to get the same outcome. After hearing the outcome of the assessment, we were encouraged about getting Isabelle started early and the progress that she will make.
But...
As soon as everyone left and Isabelle and I were left alone in the house it hit me and I broke down and cried for a while. I got myself pulled together and packed us up in the car and then I cried all the way to the store. See... I wasn't kidding about being emotional. I knew in my mind and heart that Isabelle would have delays and struggle in order to do the same things "typical" children can do but to actually hear it and it be confirmed was very difficult. She is my special little girl and I don't want life to be hard for her. I want to protect her as any mother would want to do for their child. With this being said, I also know in my heart that Isabelle will learn and reach each milestone that the "typical" child does even if it is in her own timing and that is what gives me hope.
I am grateful that this program is offered to Isabelle and believe me... we are going to take full advantage of it. Let the exercising and learning begin!!
4 comments:
Sending you big hugs! The first months are so hard! And all your crying...it is normal, amny of us have been there, oh and I remember it so well still! But the tears will become fewer and farther between.
Just know that I get it, I felt what you feel know, it is so hard!
Read the book "Gifts" (again?) Let these other moms encourage you now!
And let me remind you that "you will experience shades of color that you never knew were possible" really, you are about to witness the most beautiful sites!
Sending lots and lots of hugs!
Oh, I feel you, really. And trust me, those assessments are *always* emotional, probably for all of us. But they are good tools for moving forward, although we never see that at the time.
Ellen's right - the first months, and even the first year, are the absolute hardest. It will pass...
Those evaluations are so emotional! It does get easier, but eval days were never my best days. The progress you will see with Isabelle will be remarkable - each milestone she hits will be 10x more rewarding than you would have ever imagined, and you will experience such pride and joy in seeing the awesome things she will accomplish! As time went on for me, the evals became a chance for Chase to show off new skills and weren't as difficult... but it does feel like quite a journey sometimes.
I agree with the ladies before me--we've all been there and sometimes continue to be there. Your emotions right now are just RAW. Just cry and stomp and get it out. It comes back in waves here and there, and then one day you'll realize that you haven't cried about it in awhile. Then the next week you will again. But each breakdown always made me stronger the next time. (((hugs)))
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