Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Isabelle- My Love

Isabelle has been on my mind 24/7 lately.  It might have something to do with us being tied at the hips while I am out on maternity leave but who knows.  I am starting to wonder what I am going to do when I have to return to work.  I am excited about getting back out into the real world but I am going to miss my little side kick with me 24/7.  I have been dragging her everywhere I go.  She and I just went to my dentist appointment and she was a complete angel.  It helps that she loves to sleep with noise around.
I have been losing some sleep thinking a lot about Isabelle and my pregnancy lately.  I am finding myself a little teary these past few nights thinking about her upcoming heart surgery.   We had her cardiology appointment yesterday so it is now at the front of my mind. (I will update about the appointment next)
My pregnancy was very difficult.  When we found out at our 16 week appointment that there were complications with Isabelle, the next 5 months were extremely hard.  We had a ton of family and friends praying for a miracle for Isabelle both with the down syndrome and her heart defect. I am so thankful for all of the prayers because I know that they did indeed work.  Our first diagnosis with Isabelle was pretty rough.  But with each appointment, we continued to get encouraging reports but there wasn't a complete healing (at least in the way we were praying).  I now know that although God didn't choose to heal Isabelle of her heart defect or DS, he doesn't make mistakes.  Isabelle is not a mistake.  She is perfect just the way she is and just how God made her.  Our NICU nurse helped put things in perspective when she explained that really, who in this world is perfect?  Do we even know what perfect is?  When I look at Isabelle, I don't see a baby with DS or her heart defect.  I see a beautiful, loving baby that needs me just like my boys need me. 
Our next big hurdle will be Isabelle's heart surgery.  God has proven to be her protector so far and I know he will do the same through this next trying time.  I can't imagine the emotions or how difficult this time is actually going to be but I know that we will get through it.  Isabelle has already proven herself to be strong and a fighter.
Then once we conquer the heart surgery, we will move forward with Isabelle's therapies and learning to give her every opportunity available.
Since Isabelle has been born, my prayer for her has changed.  I now pray that Isabelle will not be defined by  Down Syndrome or known as the girl that has DS.  She is so much more than that and will have so much more to offer.  I pray that she will defy all of the odds and excel at everything she does.  I want her to have the opportunity to achieve whatever she chooses in her life.  To become a smart, strong, loving woman she was made to be.  I am sure this is the prayer of any mother for their child.
Just in these 3 short weeks, she has blessed our family and shown us a new love.  She has our hearts completely and we are blessed to have her in our lives.


Ellen Stumbo said...

Incredible, isn't it? How our hearts begin to change and they expand so quickly that it is an emotional journey!
You two will be better than fine! And yes, God does not make mistakes, he had that extra chromsome planned all along! Whata reassuring thought!
And come to the forum, there are many heart mamas there too!

Ilisa Ailts said...

God never makes mistakes :)