Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Coming to terms...

We did hear from the doctor on Monday (or I think it was actually the counselor).  We received the results that we were expecting and now we are coming to terms with things.  At this point, we have been very vague about her prognosis and I think it is due to Ryan and I adjusting to everything.  We will feel comfortable in time to discuss everything and speak openly about it.  Until then, general prayers would be greatly appreciated. 
We have fears of the unknown, fears of her suffering, fears for our boys.  We have both gone through a wide range of emotions (anger, guilt, sadness, and many more).  Each day does seem to get a little better.  When you get pregnant, you never think about your baby not being perfect at least perfect in the world's eyes.  But I believe that God will use her to help us grow as people and a family and I think she will actually end up teaching us so much more than we will be teaching her.  We will have our struggles (and what those will be are unknown) but our lives will still be rewarding and she will learn to do everything a "normal" child can do. (in her own timing).
I found a great support website and in just the one day of reading and receiving comments, this has helped tremendously.  It is truly a God send.  Each person has been so uplifting and encouraging and helping us realize that it is OK to be angry and scared.  It doesn't mean we love our little girl any less.  We need to give ourselves time to adjust to these changes and realize that her life will be different (from what we were expecting) but not any less rewarding.
We have told the boys and they are trying to grasp to the best of their ability.  I think Aiden is still too young to fully understand what is going on.  He did a little "fake" cry as we were telling them and then wanted to go play.  Ethan seems to understand a little more.  He wants to research with me and has been giving Ryan and I extra love at just the right moments.  Don't get me wrong... Ethan has already started trying to use this to his advantage.  He came in on Monday night with actual tears in his eyes and said " Mommy, will we be able to sleep in the tent tonight because you know, when I get worried about my baby sister, I need to be near you guys."  He is good isn't he?!?  Well... it worked, they slept in the tent that night and every night since.  What can I say, we are all adjusting.
In time, I know that Ryan and I will get through our feelings and become excited about this pregnancy and our new journey we have before us.  Until then... we continue to pray.

No comments: