Thursday, December 23, 2010

In need of a Christmas miracle

Tonight I am torn... I have so much to be thankful for during this Season but my heart aches for our baby girl.  I pray that her heart will mend and the complications that have been found will be healed.  I wonder if this is selfish on my part but I can't stand to think of my baby having to suffer.  Monday (results day) seems so far away.  Thankfully I am staying busy these next few days so my mind is not constantly on the bad news we were given.  I think God understands my constant questions and sometimes anger.  He knows I am human... he made me.  It is not that I don't trust him and know he will take care of us, it is that I don't understand why this is happening.  I already lost one baby back in June. I know that this baby is safely in Jesus' arms and I will get to meet him/her one day.  I am not sure how that will work but I am sure that Jesus already has that figured out. 
I am thankful for my amazing husband.  This situation has already brought us closer together.  He will never fully grasp what his words to me today has done for me.  He says he now has a peace about the baby and he knows that we can handle whatever is handed to us.  We will have challenging times but together we can get through it.  This is a complete turn around from the way he has been feeling even as of last night.  These words lifted a huge weight off of me.  I felt like I was given a little piece of our miracle.  I still have not come to the place where he is now but I will get there and until I do, he will be the rock that I need to lean on.  I believe in time, I will have that same peace and understanding.  I will continue to pray and believe until I can reach this point.
I am very thankful for all of the prayers we have from our family and friends.  I know this is helping us get through each day and for that I will be forever grateful.


The Giffords said...

You have been constantly on my mind since I read your post. I am praying and believing for God's perfect plan for you, your family and your precious baby. Please know that your loved ones are holding you up in prayer during this time. We love you!

beachstork said...

I heard that the high risk doctor was able to see a few things that I could not. I am praying right along side of you that everything will be healed at the proper time. I am praying peace for you and your husband! xoxo, J