Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Mommy update

I have been sick since last Thursday.  I finally made it out of bed and to the doctor on Saturday and found out I had a sinus infection plus sore throat and cough.  This was totally kicking my butt.  They had to put me on the lowest dosage of antibiotics due to the pregnancy so Tuesday was the first day that I started to feel like a real person again.  I came home from our Hotel party on Friday and went straight to bed.  I stayed in bed until work on Monday.  I completely missed the Barfield Christmas party on Saturday night.  The boys were able to go with Nana and Papa so they of course had a blast.  Although, Ethan came home with a goose egg on his head.  He actually said he didn't cry very much which is surprising because this time would have been a great excuse for a good cry.  On Sunday, Nana and Papa took them to church and kept them for a few hours to play.  Thanks to Nana and Papa the boys were not hermits like their parents all weekend.

The last few days have been very rough with the pregnancy.  We have gotten some bad news and until I can come to terms with my emotions, I will hold off on the update on the baby.  The one thing we know for certain is that her (that's right... it is a girl!!) heart has not developed properly.  We made a visit to the high risk doctor yesterday and were told that this is operable after birth but with a combination of some other findings... things are uncertain.  The doctor is looking into some other issues and we will know those results on Monday.  At this point, my family needs prayer and peace.  I have dealt with every type of emotion possible in the last few days but I am currently stuck on anger and guilt- guilt for being so angry.  I know that both this baby and I are in God's hands but when you are going through a trial this big, sometimes it is difficult to see that (and feel it). 

At this point, all we have told the boys is that the baby is very sick but of course they don't understand everything right now. (they literally wanted to go outside and play soccer.)  I pray that they would have peace and understanding as well.  They have been very excited to meet their baby sister and I pray that they will be able to grasp what and if anything happens.

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