Friday, August 5, 2011

We are ok

I think I am finally coming to terms with Isabelle and Down Syndrome. I know that sounds crazy but it just hit me. It only took me 5 months during the pregnancy and then 2 months after her birth but I think I am finally coming to terms. There are still a lot of unknowns that we will face but I now wonder if a lot of my worries were not only for her but for myself.  Not knowing what the future holds for her effects our entire family.  Down the road, when kids are grown and out of the house, most people go through the empty nest stage.  We might not experience that and I wonder now if I was being selfish. 
I began to realize that when people would ask me questions or when I was talking about Isabelle, I always would throw a “but” into the conversation. But- she seems to be doing great, But- maybe it is just a mild case, But- she really doesn’t look like she has DS. All of these “buts” could very well be true because she is doing great and she has amazed all of her doctors up to this point. However, it doesn’t change the fact that she does have DS and that is ok. She can have DS and still achieve everything she is meant to do. Having DS doesn’t change the fact that Isabelle is special, beautiful and perfect.
In the past, I have had a rough time accepting compliments with Isabelle.  I would get upset if I felt someone was looking just a little too long at her.  But now I know that they are looking a little longer because she is  beautiful.  I won't be ashamed that my daughter has Down Syndrome. 
Just in these few short months, Isabelle has changed my life. I can't imagine my life without her just the way she is. She has just now started smiling and she lights up my world. Isabelle isn't suffering and for that we are so thankful. She is going to have a happy life and I have the privilege of going through this journey with her.

I am sure that I will still have my days where I feel like I am missing out on certain things or wish my life were more simple and normal (whatever that means) but I now know that we are ok… I am ok.


Stacie said...

reading this brought tears to my eyes. beautiful. you are an amazing woman and isabelle is so lucky to have been born into your family. xo

Patti said...

Good for you, Mama!

Cory said...

What a nice place for you to have arrived in. You are ok, she is perfect, and she may not ever leave your home, but then again she might blow your mind daily, and be better than anything than any other little girl you could have imagined. I am betting on the latter. :) So happy for you. :)

Becca said...

So glad!! Just remember, there may still be moments when you feel like you still haven't come fully to terms with it, but don't beat yourself up if there are. We each deal with it at a different pace, and there's no right or wrong amount of time for it. The first year of the diagnosis is always the hardest. Your little girl is perfect!! :-)

evrfwd said...

Thank you for sharing this. I'm so glad you are here blogging about your experience. I know all the feelings you are talking about. I also sometimes wonder if people are staying nice things about Maya because she has DS. Well part of me thinks it's true...they are saying it because she IS exceptional. I don't mind it one bit. I believe our children are advocates just by being here. It feels good to know they change people's attitudes. By the way, your daughter is amazing in all ways, just like you. oxo