Monday, April 9, 2012

Reading and Learning...

I pre-ordered the book, Bloom by Kelle Hampton, back in March and it finally arrived in the mail. I was actually excited to read this book. I had been given a few books regarding DS while pregnant or right after I had Isabelle and to be honest, they are collecting dust. Trust me… I tried to sit and read them but I haven’t been quite ready yet. I am not sure what makes this book different for me but it just is.
I was introduced to Kelle Hampton’s blog while I was pregnant and we had just gotten word that Isabelle has DS. I began with Nella’s birth story and I just laid there and cried for hours. I enjoy reading Kelle Hampton’s blog because 1) she is a great photographer (To be honest, sometimes I skip the words and just look at the pictures) and 2) I find her writing to be light and funny. Although, sometimes I do leave her blog feeling a little less of a mother because I have to work outside of the home and I can’t spend every moment with my children making special memories. I realize everyone’s life and situation is different but we can always make the most of the time we have with our kids. My parents both worked outside the home and I think I turned out pretty good!

I finally was able to pick up the book once the kids were asleep. I crawled into bed and started reading. I wasn’t prepared for what happened next. I was just reading the prologue and my book is now stained with tears… lots of tears. I thought, Dear Lord, I am not even to the first chapter. Will I be able to get through this?!? The prologue was full of such raw emotions. The emotions she felt learning of Nella’s DS diagnosis at birth. Our situations are different in that Kelle had a birth diagnosis and I had a prenatal diagnosis. She went through her emotions after meeting her daughter where as I went through my emotions during my pregnancy (last 4 months) and then again after Isabelle’s birth. While our situations are different, the emotions are so similar. I felt like I was reading the words I have had stuck in my head for so long and have been afraid to release.  Those words on the pages were so similar to my words/thoughts (although written much better!).

I am amazed by how quick she went from devastation to just pure love for her new baby. This lady took the bull by the horns/ put on her big girl panties/ turned lemons into lemonade and just moves on.

I have allowed the world’s stereotype of DS cloud my views and my mind. When we were told that Isabelle more than likely has DS (80% chance) among other things, the doctor kept saying- I am so sorry. I didn’t know anyone -child or adult- that had DS so my initial thoughts were of the stereotypical DS adult. I was scared and angry. I didn’t want this for my baby or our family.
It would always rub me wrong when someone would tell me that God sends special babies to special people. I know people didn’t know what to say to us but that wasn’t something I wanted to hear at the time. God thinks everyone is special so why would he pick me over someone else. I am learning that yes, God does know what he is doing and he knew that we needed Isabelle, just as she is, in our lives. I am learning about my insecurities and being forced to deal with those. I have always worried about what others thought and I am slowing realizing that others opinions of me or my family will not break me.  When someone stares at Izzy a little longer than I think is necessary, it is only because she is so beautiful.  Isabelle is perfect just the way she is and we are blessed to have her in our lives.  My children will learn how to accept others and be more compassionate simply because they already love Isabelle regardless of her DS. 

My children have shown me what true unconditional love means.  We all have grown so much because Isabelle is a part of our family.  I can't say I am no longer scared for what our future may hold but now I am also excited.

No comments: