Thursday, March 17, 2011

Baby Shower... EEK!!

I have my baby shower coming up soon and I am so excited but also very nervous.  I know that sounds crazy to most people because any type of event where people come together and open presents should be so exciting. Right??   I am afraid I am going to be an emotional wreck and no one will really understand why.  I think this shower solidifies the fact that this is real and Isabelle will be arriving soon.  You would think my growing belly and achy body would be enough to remind me that this is all real but sometimes... not so much.
After we had Aiden, we slowly started getting rid of all our baby items so now we are left with only the crib.  I have yet to really get her room, clothes or baby items prepared and I know that time is passing by very quickly.  So we are very grateful!!
My feelings are hard to explain... I can't even grasp them at times myself.  I am so excited to meet Isabelle... this little life that has been growing inside me but at the same time, I am so scared.  Scared like I have never been before.  I still have my moments when I just don't want to think about it or even look at baby stuff.  This doesn't mean that I do not want her in our family... it is actually quite the opposite.  It is just sometimes I am not ready to face what our future holds.  I often wonder if I am strong enough.  I know that God won't give me more than I can handle but is he really sure about all of this??  I think he knows me better than I know myself so I am sure he will show me in time everything I need to be the best Mommy I can be for Isabelle. 

I mentioned this blanket in my last post... and I had to show it off.
 It is beautiful and it was made especially for Isabelle with lots of prayer.  I actually slept with it last night and it was one of the best nights sleep that I have gotten in a very long time.  Ryan probably thought I was a bit crazy but oh well... it gave me comfort after a very draining day.  Who knows... I might sleep with it again tonight and every night until she is born.


Beth said...

Oh Tonya how I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a huge hug and tell you everything will be okay. I know exactly how you are feeling. You will never be able to describe your feelings to anyone and it may take you a while to be able to understand them yourself and that's totally okay! The people at your shower and all the people that love you will go through a grieving process right along with you. The only difference is that their period of grief will last much longer than yours. The moment you hold that sweet baby and kiss the beautiful "perfect" face your soul will sour and it will feel as if your feet will never firmly plant themselves back on solid ground again! It's been almost 9 months for me and I'm not thinkin that I'll be comin down anytime soon! Please know that you NEED to go through all of the emotions that you are going through right now. Every single one of them, the fear, the hopelessness, the guilt and all the others. They will fade I promise you! Now... You beautiful pregnant Mama, go to that baby shower and bawl your eyes out... Not because your sad but because your exactly like every other prego in the world that cries at a Snickers commercial! I sobbed my entire shower and I had no clue that Chloe was sportin that extra chromosome.. It's just what we do! Another thing Girlie... You go get that crib up and those tiny onsies washed and wait for that glorious day whan God blesses you with the most amazing gift you will ever receive. And on that day you will join the most prestigious club EVER and all your friends will only be able to wish that they were a selected member! God chose you and Isabelle for eachother Tonya. He knew long before anyone that you were the perfect Angel be Isabell's Mommy. I will be keep you and your family in my thought and prayers and I can't wait to see Isabelle in your arms and see the content and total peace in your eyes! I'm here for you anytime.. Please feel free to talk about anything with me. I can assure you, I've been there..

Love to you,

Beth & Chloe Herrington

This is a beautiful slideshow from one of my "Sisters" Susan. She has beautiful Charity.

Tomorrow is National Down syndrome day... Enjoy! Also if you get a chance watch the slideshow on my fb with all the beautiful kids in my Sisterhood Ds Moms group. I posted it today.

Ellen Stumbo said...

What you are feeling is very very normal! You don't know what the future holds, you don't know how your family will be affected by that extra chromosome, and you just don't know a lot of things! And so you cry and cry and cry and wonder if there will ever be a time where the diagnosis is really not that big of a deal. Those first few days you will fall in love with Isabelle and you might still cry some more. Then one day, you will look at her and you will be overwhelemed by a something, a something that you will know comes along with Isabelle's innate ability of unconditional love. You will wonder how it is so possible for a baby to have a soul that can pierce your own, and somehow that "burden" that you feel will be lifted up. Yes, you will worry at the different stages in life. You will pray and hope for the best. But at the end of the day, you will love every single chromosome in that little baby girl, in that little girl, in that young woman!
And the best part of all, is that you get to be a part of an amazing new family, and the friendhsips that you will develop will be so strong! All thanks to that little girl!
I am looking forward to seeing your sweet girl making her grand entrance. And it will be grand, because this little girl will change the world around you!