Today I have cried a lot of tears and it is only 10:30am! It has just been one of those mornings. I cried for Isabelle and also me. I am still not sure who I was crying more for... maybe us both.
I cried while watching a show about a mother helping her daughter plan her dream wedding and then a few scenes later her mother was in the delivery room supporting her daughter while she was delivering her first baby. These are things that I have dreamed about but I am not sure that Isabelle will experience. I cried for the loss of those dreams I have had and I cried while trying to wrap my mind around the new dreams we will create. You see... those dreams are unknown to me at this point. My mind is blank in that area because I can't see what is going to happen for Isabelle and up to this point in my life... I haven't had to try to imagine it. I know that Isabelle will be happy and have a wonderful life but will she feel like she is missing out on certain things?? Will she even be missing out on those things?? I don't know!! The only thing I do know is that as her Mommy, I will give her every opportunity that my boys will have to be who and what she wants to be. I will support her in everything she does in her life. I will expect the same things from her as I expect from my boys. I will not allow anyone to put limitations on her. Down Syndrome will not define Isabelle. Isabelle will be the most wonderful girl that anyone has meet and she will bless each person she comes in contact with.
I a writing this post mainly for myself. I want to be able to look back on it down the road and see that yes... I did have those days where I was sad and mourned the loss of my dreams but I still made it! My life didn't go as I had planned but God had a different plan and it was just a good and possibly even better than I could have imagined.
So... enough of these sappy shows for one day. It is time to get myself and the boys ready and out the door for a day on the town. We have a busy day planned full of haircuts and shopping for camping stuff. That's right... the Holt's are going on our very first family camping trip in a few weeks. We are starting off slow so it is only a few miles from our house but we are going to have a blast. (I hope).